"Go Back!"

Does it seem like a tattoo (or the lack thereof) would cause the world to end?

Before we left for school, Josh said he wanted a tattoo (temporary, of course) since the other three (or is it four) were coming off (very attractive). Sure, no problem. We got in the car and were halfway to school when he realized that we forgot the tattoo.

"Go back!!!!"

"No, we're late."

"You've got to go back!!!"

"I'm sorry, no. But I do have stickers."

Zach thought that sounded good and chose three. Josh was willing to entertain the thought. Upon inspection, though, they weren't 'cool' enough. (When did he turn 18?) He then refused to get out of the car. Drag-scrape-pull to the classroom. Follow-cling-beg. Miss Christina pulled him off of me and assured him that she had a tattoo for him (oh, Lord, I sure hope so).

When I picked up the boys from school, Josh had a lovely butterfly tattoo, which he decided would look great on his tummy along with his monkey tattoo.

Note to Self: Add temporary tattoos to list of random stuff to bring with me at all times....

Some days...

...are harder than others.

Zach & Josh: After the "Marker Incident"

This is how it all began in October of 2008. I'd had a particularly trying day with my two-and-a-half year olds. I needed someone...anyone...to know that I had brought into this world two of the most ill-behaved children ever born. So I sat down at the computer and sent my husband an e-mail with a blow-by-blow account of my morning.

After all, he got to drive for nearly two long, blissful hours by himself to get to work each day. Then he had a glamorous and fulfilling day dealing with the members of the credit union where he works. He got to eat his whole, entire lunch without someone asking to eat it or throwing part of it on the floor. He could go potty without an audience (well, as long as no one was in there with him...and certainly they didn't sit on his lap). Then he got two more quiet hours to himself on the drive home from work. He not only needed to hear about my day, he was going to hear about it. And so I wrote:

• I take a shower.  Boys stand on a toy to get to the pens and mark themselves up.  Luckily, no one decided to poke themselves in the eye with the letter opener or cut his brother's hair with any of the four (four?) scissors in the pen bucket.
• I take the boys to the grocery store.  Josh spits his water all over himself before we get there.  He's soaked.
• I buy the boys 99-cent plastic pumpkin buckets.  Josh is cute and puts his fishy snacks in there.  Josh is un-cute and adds water.
• When we get home, I give Josh his water cup to carry into the house.  By the time I return with Zach, he has poured more water into the pumpkin and on the floor.  Water taken away for good.
• I change my pants and shoes.  Boys stand on an empty wipes container to reach my computer, which I find on the floor and there's a mysterious error message on the screen.  Cell phone has been pilfered as well.  Glasses bent at a precarious angle.
• Lunch involves much throwing and spilling.
• Josh finds Zach's water cup and spits water all over himself.
• As I clean up the last of lunch, Zach comes into the kitchen and says, simply, "poo-poo."  That can mean only one thing:  Josh has inspected his poo and found it pooey.  Last straw, so off to bed for everyone.  Including me.

Moral of the story:  Don't have children unless you're willing to put them in the full-time care of others who may or may not share your values, morals and disposition.  Oops, that's not what I meant to say.  The moral is to watch your children's every move because they are infinitely curious and unfailingly able to get your attention in the least desirable way possible.

We look forward to seeing you tonight.  oxo, k

Jay was especially kind and attentive and helpful when he got home. I got a good night's sleep and tried to do better the next day....
 

Just Breathe...

I think my kids are on to me.

After a really busy weekend, Zach was in no mood to listen to reason on the way home from school. He wanted fruit snacks instead of what I was offering. After a strange evolution of after-school snacks from cheese sticks and fishy crackers to candy (how did that happen?!?), I finally decided to switch to the Crunchy/Salty/Usually Orange food group (hey, it's better than candy). They got over their disappointment pretty quickly and settled into the new snack routine.

Being as tired as he was, though, Zach wanted what he wanted and wouldn't take "No" for an answer. After 11 minutes of crying (I was watching the clock), he finally asked me to pull over to breathe with him so he could calm down. Absolutely! Seven sets of breathing in and out, and he pronounced himself "better!" He ate what I wanted him to eat and all was well...until I took out the camera to take a picture of his tear-stained face as we pulled into the driveway. He literally launched himself upon me and demanded that I delete the photo. Sure, sure.

Will I go to h-e-double toothpicks for lying to my son? I mean, it's all for the greater good....

Scream 'Til They Pay You to Leave

I'm training 'em up right...Trader Joe's for the good stuff. If you haven't had their Feta Cheese and Carmelized Onion Pastry Bites, you are simply depriving yourself. Muy delicioso!

There was only one little 'Customer in Training' cart and Zach got it. Of course, Josh wanted one, too. After he made a huge fuss, I asked Josh what he wanted me to do...make one? Yes. Yes, he did. He kept at it long and loud enough that one of the people who works there went and got him a little cart from who knows where.

We're a walking parade of embarassment....

Not That Sorry

We went to Bed Bath & Beyond: behavior okay. We went to Kohl's: behavior really buggin' me. We went to Target: they were LITERALLY wrestling on the floor at the checkout.

I had promised they could have dinner at the Target cafe, but after that display of savagery (and everything else before it), I just kept walking out the door. When I informed them that they'd lost the opportunity to eat there, Josh started wailing and stood in front of the cart threatening my very life.

Really gotta stop taking pics of my kids mid-meltdown.
It's gonna cause permanent damage to their psyches if they ever see this blog.

Wailing and threats and apologies and promises to do better continued until we got home. Zach just sat quietly and tried to pretend nothing was happening. With his 78th apology, I told Josh that he needed to be sorry enough that he didn't do it again. "What?!? I can't be THAT sorry!"

They got mac and cheese from a box when we got home.

Flashback

When I was a kid and my parents went out for the evening, Mom would always buy Taco Flavor Doritos for my brothers and me. She hated the smell of them on our breath, but knew we loved them, so she got them as a treat.

Just last night that memory surfaced for some reason and I actually thought that the Doritos people should bring back the flavor. Well, careful what you wish for: As I was leaving Walmart (yuck, I know, but there was something in the ad I HAD to get!), I spied these Limited Edition Taco Flavor Doritos. Kinda freaked me out!

Anyway, they're yummy and the boys like them a lot....

Don't Mention the Platypus

Josh was in a cantankerous mood after a long day of play, so I thought I'd try to cheer him up with new pajamas. "New pajamas?!? What kind?"

Fully expecting a wild cheer of approval, I said, "They're Perry the Platypus (from Phineas & Ferb) pajama pants."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Good heavens! "What's wrong?"

"I don't like platypuses and I don't like pants and I don't like secret agent platypuses and I don't like the name 'Perry' and I don't like the letter 'p'!"

Frankly, that seemed like an unlikely number of coincidences (disliking so many things that start with 'p'), but I ignored that and moved on. Figuring he was probably just hungry, I loaded him up on peanut butter and jelly. As you can see, he not only made peace with the despicable pajamas, but he was grinning ear-to-ear as well.

Boogies and Bogeys

Another Zach vocabulary tale: We went to the park to expend a bit of energy this afternoon. As usual, Josh played happily in the sandbox, filling up buckets (and his shoes) with sand. Zach was hitting golf balls.

He brought his real golf club, but I insisted that he use plastic practice balls. He hit a particularly long shot and beamed up at me, "Was that a boogie, Mom?" "I think you mean bogey." "Yeah, was that a bogey?" "Oh, no. I'm sure it was a birdie, Son."

Note: If you aren't familiar with golf terminology, just laugh anyway because that was funny!

Booby vs. Bobby

So, I'm cleaning the kitchen as the boys are eating their pre-bedtime, no-sugar-added ice cream treat when I hear Zach say something about a 'booby.' Without looking at him, I ask him to repeat what he said to be sure: "This is Josh's booby." As I turn around to scold him for using 'potty words,' I note that he's holding the boBBy pin that Josh picked up in what is likely to be some gross, unsanitary place.

I quickly bite my tongue and gently correct him: "That's Josh's bobby pin, Zach." He looked at me like, "booby, bobby, what's the difference?" Yeah, ask me that in about 10 years and we'll see if you've figured it out....

Chicks & Slugs

Josh couldn't bear to eat this cute little Easter chick cookie that he got at the mom's group Easter egg hunt the other day, so he insisted that I make her a bed.

We put fluffy cotton balls on the bottom of a small bowl, a little bit of napkin for a sheet and another bit for the blanket.

After he got home from school, he took the chick outside to play. She hasn't been the same since her visit to the Slug Farm....

At Least There Were Beans

Our homeowners' association had a community get-together (mostly to get people to vote for new board members and proposals...you had to vote to get a meal ticket!). It was actually quite nice. They had a couple of big bouncers, crafts, face painting, a balloon 'artist,' live entertainment, etc.

It would have been really great except that we were always one step behind. By the time we got our meal tickets, they only had baked beans and cupcakes left.

Josh REALLY wanted to get his face painted, but by the time we got close to the front of the line, the girl announced that the person in front of Josh was the last one. We couldn't even get close to the balloons.

We went to get little plastic hats from the firemen who were there and they gave the last two to the kids who ran up right before us.

Zach was turned away from the big spinning wheel because they thought he'd already been there (it was Josh).

And, we didn't win anything in the raffle, though two of our neighbors did.

Josh cheered himself up with a rock and a tiny pinecone. Zach was just happy to have the beans.

A Few of Their Favorite Things

You know how little kids like to bring something with them when they leave the house? A favorite stuffed animal, a book, a blanket, perhaps a picture of someone they love? Well, so do my kids. When we went to do a bunch of errands, they wanted to bring just such an item.

Zach chose the cracked sprinkler that Dad 'let' him have. He's taken it everywhere since he got it on Monday (even the bathtub). Josh chose a sprinkler pipe (or something) that Dad also 'let' him have and (all together now) a rock that, frankly, looks a bit like a pile of you-know-what.

They're a sentimental lot, my boys....

Skunk or Weasel?

My hair is going gray. Yes, it's true. I've been going lighter to hide it for some time now, but those grays are stubborn (and wiry, with an irritating habit of sticking straight up). So, I decided to go dark (see how Zach is looking up at me with a look of utter amazement and adoration).

When I picked up the boys from school, Josh noticed right away. As we drove home, he said that, while he liked my new hair, he thought I should put white streaks in it. "Like a skunk?!?" I asked. "No, like a weasel." Well, that's certainly better....

Storytime

We went to the library again today to return some books, get some more and sign up for story time! It's every Tuesday for a couple of months (or something).

That's one hour I will spend each week meditatiing and defining my goals and dreaming about my life's ambition. Who am I kidding? I'm gonna be chatting and gossiping with the other moms 'til we hear the roar of little voices and the thunder of little feet....

Right Behind You

Josh is determined to learn how to balance well enough to get his training wheels off his bike, just like Zach. Since we think Zach learned such good balance from riding this two-wheeled Razor scooter (in addition to his natural athletic ability), Josh is all over it.

We scooted around the entire neighborhood tonight. He was kind of over it by the end...more interested in picking up sticks, pinecones, flowers and, you guessed it, rocks.

Big Day for the Z-Man!

We went to the park this morning and brought all kinds of wheeled 'vehicles' with us. After nearly two hours, we were about to pack up when Jay decided that today was the day. Yup, we took the training wheels off Zach's bike and he just took off! Since he's been riding on a 'big kid' Razor scooter, he's really developed great balance, so it was a natural to go to two wheels on a bike.

He was SO excited and SO proud!  That said, after a pretty nasty spill this evening that resulted in a nasty 4" scrape on his belly (he hasn't quite mastered the getting on and off portion of the experience), he's trying to convince Jay that the training wheels need to go back on. Not a chance!