What's 'Twinfluence'?

Generally, when we hear the term ‘under the influence,’ we think of someone who's impaired by excessive consumption of alcohol or drugs. Of course, you also can be under the influence of many other things.

I am always under the twinfluence of Josh and Zach...shown here at 3 months old.

Tweens and teens are particularly susceptible to being under the influence of their peers (sometimes with disastrous results). Those in a (usually) new romance are more often than not prone to doing things they wouldn’t normally do while under the influence of their beloved (remember all those horribly boring discussions about cars you listened to just to be near your Adonis?). For some, the siren call of a ‘Sale!’ sign at the mall is so strong that they're enticed to part company with large sums of money while under the influence of spending’s many charms. And, of course, parents are, in one way or another, under the influence of their children.

This last state of influence is especially difficult to escape. I can avoid drugs and alcohol (or go into a rehabilitation program to learn how to stop using them). I can change friends if they’re unsupportive or downright bad for me. I can dump my boyfriend. I can drive the long way around the mall (or Target…we all have our own Achilles heel). But I can’t ditch my kids. For some reason, that’s still frowned upon in most civilized societies. Okay, okay, it’s illegal. And last time I checked (and I do check often), there's still no rehab program to help you deal with your kids.

Kids can turn a relatively peaceful, optimistic, cheerful person into one that lives in a constantly roiling pot of chaos, which causes you to see the glass as half empty more than you’d like and can bring out the angry, loud beast within. I don’t really know when it happened, but I became a ‘yeller’ as my children got older (but more about that another time).

Being under the twinfluence takes all of the positive and negative impacts of those lovable little creatures and multiplies it — not by double, but exponentially. As parents of more than one child know, each successive child ramps up your trouble/fun/love by several extra notches. I can’t even do the math for my dear friend who has six! Don't get me wrong,though; having 'just' one child has its share of unique challenges and rewards.

No matter how many you have, children are an amazing blessing. It’s fun to see what your kids look like when you combine your DNA with another’s. It’s incredible to watch as your children develop physically, mentally and emotionally. It is, in turns, hilarious and awe-inspiring to hear your children express their young thoughts in ways you never dreamed. The joy and peace you feel when your child tells you and shows you how much he loves you cannot be measured.

That’s not to say that it isn’t hard and that it doesn’t take work. Because it does. Sometimes it feels like you aren’t getting much reward for all that hard work. But I think the reward must be sought. You have to look for the moments that will make you laugh. You have to seek out the achievements that will make you proud. You must nurture the tiny bit of unselfishness inside your child so that he one day will blossom into a beautiful, caring, loving, fun, funny, smart, giving, joyful adult. That’s our job. That’s our privilege. That’s our legacy.

Raise ‘em up as best you can and then let 'em go. If they don’t come back, you’ve done your job.